Lessons my Mama taught me...

1. My Mama taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning."

2. My Mama taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet.."

3. My Mama taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My Mama taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My Mama taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My Mama taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My Mama taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My Mama taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My Mama taught me about CONTORTIONIST.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My Mama taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My Mama taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a bomb hit it."

12. My Mama taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My Mama taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My Mama taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15.. My Mama taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My Mama taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My Mama taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My Mama taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My Mama taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My Mama taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My Mama taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My Mama taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My Mama taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Mama taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:

25. My Mama taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"